“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door,
I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.”
(Revelation 3:20 NKJV)
Have you ever found yourself drifting into a memory from your distant past. I call these recollections, “youthful returns.” While many youthful returns arise as moments of warm nostalgia, sometimes they return as painful recollections. Sounds, smells, the way someone touches you, gets upset at you or betrays you in your adult years, can make you feel the way you did—at the age you were—when you first experienced it. There are young places in all of us and some of them are severely wounded and broken.
When painful memories arise, it’s natural for us to shut them down, think about something else or, like me, get busy working on other things. Why do we do that? Those memories can be painful and are often accompanied with feelings of regret, guilt, anger or shame.
But, if we can get past the initial discomfort of those feelings, youthful returns can lead us into greater wholeness.
Next time one of those recollections arise, resist automatically moving past it. Instead, try to pay close attention to your “gut-reaction” to it. You may even notice an internal statement that you say in response to that memory. Let me give you an example.
In my past, when a recollection of George or Brody would arise, I would feel angry, upset or naive all over again and then internally think, “I was so stupid to trust them.” (Common internal statements may include: "I’m such a loser. I’m such an idiot. I was so stupid! I should have never put myself in that position. It’s all my fault. I deserved it. I hate them so much. I won't ever forgive them, etc.) If you don’t detect a specific internal statement rising, then attempt to put words to your initial gut-reaction to that past memory.)
As the Shepherds after God’s Own Heart that you’re rapidly becoming, you’ve probably already recognized what these statements are. Yes, they’re agreements.
Detecting how the memories make you feel and the internal statements—“gut responses”—that often accompany them can help you pinpoint past agreements. (Identifying and renouncing them will be an essential step to heal the wound(s) these memories often identify and, doing this, is necessary for you to fully recapture your Shalom (peace).
Even though most of us don’t recall the specific moment we entered into these internal contracts (remember, our enemy, like Ed, often strikes when we are young, weak, tired or vulnerable), yet they can have profound influence over your decisions. Agreements will keep you stuck, so they must be identified and renounced, so you can move forward. Inner vows work so effectively—not because your enemy is all that powerful—rather, it’s because you are. God gave you the power of choice. He gave you a will and that will of your’s is mighty. Your will is so strong, that God-Almighty refuses to trespass upon it.
When we renounce our agreements with our enemy and we agree with God, it aligns our will with God's and allows him to do what he has planned “long before he laid down earth’s foundations, to make you whole by his love (Ephesians 1:4 MSG).
After I (Joel) remembered that forgotten episode of my life—me, as a kid, sitting outside my house, curtains drawn, locked out—I recognized the agreement and was able to renounce the agreements I made with my enemy (in my past) and make a new agreement with God (in my present)—declaring, “I am not alone. Jesus was with me then and he has always been with me. He has never left me or forsaken me!”
I then was able to forgive my mom, stepfather and also my father for not being around, and allowing me to be placed in a vulnerable position as a child. Though the return of this memory was quite uncomfortable—heartrending even—it was a gift. Through it, I was able to do my part—forgive and renounce my agreement—so God could do his part—pour out all the healing my heart so desperately needed. (God is always ready to pour out his healing to make us whole, but forgiving and renouncing agreements prepares our heart so we can fully receive it.) Please, answer the following questions on a clean page of your journal or notebook.
- Have you ever experienced, what I (Joel) describe as, a youthful return?
- Have any past memories arisen as you’ve gone through The Wholehearted Journey?
- Were they pleasant or painful memories?
- If it was painful, what was the recollection about? What emotions did it bring up? Was it accompanied with a “gut-response” or an internal statement (e.g How could I be so dumb?, etc.)?
- If so, take a moment and renounce those agreements specifically.
- Do you need to extend forgiveness to anyone who took part in those circumstances you recalled? Now it’s time to do your part—forgive—so God can do his. Remember the four main steps of forgiving and letting go of your past (Session 5):
- Forgive yourself
- Grieve the loss
- Forgive the offender(s) and
- Let God love you in your place of need.
As these memories arrive… please percieve them as the more youthful—prodigal—places of your heart returning home. Resist the urge to ignore them or distract yourself until them recollection subsides. Instead, when these prodigal places arrive, know that it will require the present-mature-you to open up the door of your heart, so you and Jesus can enter in. Let’s invite Jesus to help us do so now.
I open my heart to you, Jesus. I invite you to enter in, dine, and mediate. Guide me through this time of prayer. Show me the broken places you desire to enter and make whole. You are the healer of the broken hearted. That is why you came. You are the same, yesterday, today and forever. So as you healed hearts when you walked the earth, you heal them today! I ask for your healing. I want to be united in “heart and mind” with you. I need to be made whole. Speak to me, my younger me and the present mature me. Make us united within and with you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Perhaps you’ve recognized the present mature you has treated the younger you harshly, it would be appropriate to take a moment and apologize now. If you haven’t written an apology letter yet, please take some time to do so now.
Celebrate the Reunion:
Do something that makes you feel happy, joyful and youthful! Plan a special outing or event for yourself. Potentially, do something you loved to do as a child. Maybe, do something that used to be joyful for you prior to the shattering episode you’ve written about. Maybe, like me, fully engage into an activity your kids (or grandkids, nephews or nieces, etc.) love to do—or do all of the above! This can be something you do on your own or with those near and dear to you. If you are participating in a small group, come back next session and share what you experienced during your celebration.
Classes (Small Groups): Throw a "Homecoming" party and allow people to share what they have learned and testify to the amazing work Jesus has done to make the individuals in your group more wholehearted.
After your reunion celebration, please take a moment and celebrate yourself! You made it through all the work prepared for you in The Wholehearted Journey & Wholehearted University!!!
